Update 71-01
Update 71-01
Friends Forever
31st August 2006
2:49 PM


As I sit here almost 37 thousand miles over the Pacific Ocean, I cannot help but feel a huge stinging pang of regret as I cruise away from my native island that has been home to me for the past 4 years of my life. I can still recall nearly 4 years ago, on a eerily similar one-way plane ride from America to Singapore, I felt the very same sentiments. The memory of me crying violently at Los Angeles International Airport and wishing Singapore were nuked off the map are still vividly fresh in my mind. Now, in retrospect a mere 4 years later, I have to admit things have changed. Truth to be told, my life in Singapore not been all fun and games - It has been filled with both good and bad times. On good days, I believed that I could live on this little island paradise with its friends and material comforts forever; and on many a bad day, I often wished the opposite - I'm sure many of you can recollect me bitching about ditching this politically restrictive place permanently.


And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day


Nonetheless, as I look back now, I dare say that I have no regrets coming back after all. The friendships that I've forged, the lessons that I've learned, the films that I've done, the relationships that I've cultivated, and the experiences I've garnered have all made my time in Singapore worthwhile - If not wonderful. I can say that the past 4 years here in Singapore have truly been the best years of my life. I had always scoffed at the old adage that one's secondary school years were the best of his life - Now, only after leaving all that behind do I realize why.


Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real cool


I've been doing alot of stonning thinking the past 8 hours since my plane took off from Changi. Truth to be told, when I think about about my life in Singapore over the past 4 years, only my friends come to mind. When deciding between the States or Singapore, friends were the only thing that really held me back in making the decision to go. Sure, Singapore has its luxury and prestige, but friendships and relationships matter much more than that.


Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels


Ultimately, I don't wanna turn this into another slash-my-wrists-BLT-emo/angsty entry because you guys are what has made my time here truly memorable and just plain awesome. When I say I miss Singapore, the only thing I miss about it is really my friends. For now, you guys are synoinmus with the country. So really, this entry shouldn't be about me - Not because I've moved on or dont feel the slightest bit emotional about leaving. Rather, its because you guys have so strongly defined and characterized my life in Singapore for so long that I feel a little dedication is the least I can do sitting here leaving on a jet plane; not know if I'll ever be back again.


As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever


If anything, I must thank you guys for always being willing to do anything and everything for me - Whether it translates into helping me carry props & costumes, lying in pools of stinky blood, putting up with my nonsense or sacrificing your time for doing something stupid for my films. Seriously. What can I do without ya'll? I've said 'thank you' so many times (Nearly once every post) that it cheapens the emotion, but do know that I mean it every single time. Read any of my previous entries and you can sense the underlying desperation and depression behind each of them - I was often on edge of giving up but you guys spurred me forward. It is without a doubt that I could not have done any of my films if it wasn't for the strong support and help of everyone involved.


So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule


All my non-film friends - All of you too played a part in making my life here unforgettable and enriching. Thanks for always supporting me in all my endavors, always being there for me, and also always finding a way to cheer me up in some way or another. Your undying care and cocern has touched my heart deeply. You've made my life whole and I don't know what I'm gonna do without ya'll.


Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

You guys have made my life in this country so worth living for and it scares me now being all alone in a foreign country with no minions friends, no network, and no family. Its like being robbed of your only reason for living. That sounds damn 'i'm gonna slash my angsty wrists soon!!', but its true. My friends, you have been my source of comfort, security, strength, laughter, stability, and joy over the past 4 years and it saddens - No it PAINS me to go.


As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be


Mrs Mervlyn Goh, among others at my school farewell pizza party, told me to move on.


I wish I could, but I can't.


I suspect that having having left for America once before in primary school under similar conditions, I will probably be forgotten in about a month or so. I don't mean to be pessimistic or create a self-fulfilled prophecy but it may very well become a sad reality knowing how much pressure the hustle & bustle of the stressful Singaporean education system can create; especially with exams barely around the corner.


Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men


And as for me, here in America cut off from the pack, I have to say that because everyone has been such an integral part of my life for so long, moving on would be too diffcult - It would hurt me way too much. Although I will ultimately have new friends (I hope so, at least...) and carve out a new legacy here in America (Wishful thinking?), you guys will ALWAYS, ALWAYS have a unique, special place in my heart forever and ever - Be it 10 weeks, 10 months, or 10 years from now. So try not to forget me, alright? (: I anticipate and apologize that there'll be times when I may get pretty damn irritating on MSN bugging one of you to talk to me or needing something from Singapore sent over desperately, so please please please tolerate and bear with me as I embark upon the long and arduous journey of settling down in this foreign land and acclamatizing to the entire culture of things here.


Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly


I'm here, in the United States of America, for the long run. As soon as my plane hits the tarmac at LAX, there is no turning back. I've past the point of no return. I can only take solace in the fact that as cheesy as it sounds, I entrust my life into the hands of God and hope that whatever happens, I will make it somehow. I cannot pray that I will have no regrets - Because I do. I just hope that i can make the best of the situation and make it big here somehow haha. America, afterall, IS the land of freedom and opportunity. But whatever happens, be it good or bad, do know that I will be counting on ya'll in the long days ahead to be my pillars of strength and comfort.


As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever


So as I log off now and end off my 71st post after nearly a year of posting on this site, I just wanna say a gargantuan (:, sincerely, and earnest 'thank you' from the bottom of my heart and hope that even though the times will change, we'll be able to meet up one day, someday, in the States, Malaysia, (Or maybe even Singapore. Who knows?) and re-live good ole' memories once again as if we were back at ACS(I). Its been an honor and pleasure knowing each and every one of you and I'm very sad that it has to come to an end. However, whereever we may be or whatever the circumstances, please do keep in contact over MSN/e-mail/phone calling, dont forget me, and try not to change - Too much =P


Friends forever.


BLT out.



- posted by BLT @ 11:47 PM